i'm making kt a blog and it's all weird and confusing and shit. weird.
i wrote this at 10:17 PM

paranoid of paranoia...

hello everybody.

my head hurts, so i'm going to bed in like half an hour or so... it's 20 to 9. heh.

my past few days have been uneventful. take today for example. i woke up. i milled about, getting dressed and such things. i took the dogs out. i took jane's dogs out. i ate toast. i walked to the mailbox (i've been doing that everyday... good excercise and such.) i got back, was supposed to excercise, but my stomach was having stabbing pains from the toast or something, so i watched xfiles. i took the dogs for a long walk. kt came home. i watched some more tv. i mowed the lawn. i did the dishes. i watched tv. i made dinner. we ate it. i watched some more tv. i did the dogs at some point in all of that. now i'm on the computer.

fun, no? ya, that's what i thought.

my head hurts soo badly. and my tummy isn't liking all the chocolate cake i ate. which wasn't all that much. i shoudlnt' have finished kt's, is all.

maybe it attacked norton anti-virus. that's what i'd do, if i was a computer virus.

and that is c/o kt. i found it amusing. but not, since that is what the scary virus did, we think.

when i turned the computer on the other day, a little window appeared. the "title" was "you are my best..." and it said "happy birthday, dear." with an "ok" box. so i figured it was something from kt. then she got home later, or maybe it was the next day, and she was like "jessie! come here!" so i did, and she was like wtf is this? and she thought it was from me. so now i think it's a scary virus. cuz the computer was fucking up a lot yesterday, and norton anti-virus wont' work at all. i even uninstalled it and installed it again. still nothing.

it's fucked i tell ya. fucked.

and i may have deleted all of the files taht were on the computer.. still must check that out...

gah. stupid computers.

so, it's friday. nothign is happening this weekend. bah to that.

i have nothgn to write, so i think i shall go now.

love, hugs, cheers

~jessica
i wrote this at 8:52 PM

i quite like this blog which i have just discovered. yay. she (?) likes harry potter, x2 and the matrix. yay.
i wrote this at 10:58 PM

if i'm a world away...

yay for this weekend. i've noticed that weekends are my friends, but weeks suck.

it's like i'm in limbo. and i want desperatley to (return) go to heaven (york - not saying this is hell nor that i'm not having fun on weekends...) and i've found a way to get to heaven. a short-cut. but if i go, it'll be wrong. it's not what i was supposed to do. and i wouldn't deserve to go this early - before having done anything.

how's that for an analogy?

what's my purpose?

ya, okay. so. just as the first matrix has us questionning reality and who's in control of our lives and whether or not we're free, reloaded asks you what your purpose is on earth, and why we choose the things we do. and so now i'm wondering what my purpose is. well, i'm not really, but that's going to weigh into my nitely ponderings, i'm sure. it's up there with who am i, who do i want to be.

also... THE MATRIX KICKED THE MOST ASS! i want to see it again. and then i want to see x2 again to see for myself which is better. cuz i just saw the matrix, so i don't know.

also, that should not be rated 14 A. i mean, come on. that one scene, with the dancing and the sex, i dont' know about anyone else, but that sure turned me on. it was steamy. i mean, you didn't really see anything, well, i was fairly sure i saw boobs in the dancing scenes, but nothing of the sex. except neo's naked behind.

and they asked me how old i was. i'm like what? i look 13 to you?! it was funny. i guess i'm just THAT cute... lol, i'm totally kidding. maybe it was the pigtails....

let's go away for awhile, you and i, to a far and distant land...

so, watchign neo and trinity's lovely love, i want to fall in love so badly. i get like this. i watch a movie, a show, hear a song, and i want it for myself. i dont' think i'll ever find it. i mean, sure i will love, and very probly will fall in love (okay, not probly, but you know, i'm hoping) but i fear it won't be the love i want. i want trinity/neo love, mulder/scully love, leaving on a jetplane love, satine/christian love... *sigh*

today i changed too late, cuz everyone stayed the same. so long, i'm gone, breakout cuz i'm better off on my own.

only not. and yay for sugarcult.

glarble. it's 10.37 at nite. that's kinda late. my tummy feels all hungry and empty, but it might just be digesting. and it's not a good thing to eat before bed, cuz then it just congeals into fat.

i love when my computer starts fucking up to the tune of the get up kids "watch it all come crashing down". now there is some irony for ya.

GUESS WHAT I FOUND?! a matrix blog! it's on the blogs of note section and it's all matrix-y. but it's not as scholarly as i thought it'd be. meh. i'll add that to my links soon.

oh, i hate bugs. but not really. but they creep me out. i'm talking of those huge swarms of them that buzz real loud and make huge clouds in the sky. they're so scary. it's like the world's gonna end.

ya, i think i'm gonna stop now.

sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

love, hugs, cheers

~jessica

i wrote this at 10:53 PM