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i wrote this at 6:47 PM

i went to yorkdale to-day and i bought some red woolen-like mittens and some yarn with which i will attach them together to string them through my jacket's sleeves so that i do not lose them, like in kindergarten. i have a zit on my chin, dammit. and i think i'm getting cold sores or something.. grrr.... that's about it.. meaning there was more, i've just drawn a blank. do you like the sprites i've adopted? i love them, especially the cute lupid plush doll thing. it's so cute!

bye now!

love you all as much as the amount of things i don't have to say...

~jes'ca
i wrote this at 6:45 PM

yoyo homie gees. well, none of you are g's.... yoyo homie j's, homie s, homie c, homie a (or homie o2), homie m (if meaghan's reading this), homie d (for diane) and all the other homies that read this too.

i'm hyper to-day. and i just ate a bunch of chocolate covered espresso beans. yum second cup. it's 11.23 pm. me and diane and meaghan went to yorkdale to-day cuz meaghan needed black jeans for ushering. i wanted mittens but couldn't find any red woolen ones, dammit. diane saw these super cool pants that she's gonna buy on her credit card as a christmas present for her from her mom, cuz she called her mom and her mom said okay. they're so cool. they're dark denim. and super huge cool. and they have like white pinstripes. and the bottom hemage is sewn further up the bottom of the pants than normal, like an inch from the bottom, so they look totally awesome. if they fit then i get to borrow them. which is kick ass. blue haired jon was on the bus with us. he's sick. and he was going to yorkdale cuz he works at blue notes. and i discovered that he is an osssa guy (and still is) and may know chandra (he's going to show me pictures from the dunbarton conference, in case you're in them... did you go to that one?) and knows nigel, and knows other ppl, and went to that dance at weldon that was like the osssa/weldon dance. but he didn't have blue hair then. he's totally cute and i love him... not actually, well, ya actually, cuz i love everybody.. anyway, everybody reading this knows what i mean, so it doesn't matter.

anyway. i've been in such a good mood to-day. i don't know why. ya i do. it's cuz the weather was absolutely beautiful, and the sun was shinning and it was warm, but not too warm, cuz it's still fall, but warm enough to take off your coat while you walk through the empty parking lot, with the sun shinning through your hair and you love yourself. that was me to-day. also, it was my favourite lecture, and it was very good. and then the tutorial is also my favourite tutorial and i love my tutorial so all was right with the world. and it was good cuz like yesterday and i think the day before i was feeling all down and in a funk. like last nite, no let me start with the other day. um, it was awhile ago and alicia was telling me that mike was maybe coming over again on wednesday (i guess this was tuesday then) and i said something teasing or something and she said 'i hate you' in like a joking way that we always say to each other, but i almost started crying. i have no idea why. i think it's cuz i was frustrated cuz i had not slept the nite before cuz i had to sleep in andy's bed and it had been uncomfortable, and i did it for her, then she said she hated me.... and i felt like i had been giving her a lot, like giving up my sleep and everything, and she had made me not lie, but not be entirely truthful with greg who's a friend, and i had made that oath to myself a while ago that i would never lie to anyone, so i was feeling all frustrated and so when she (jokingly) said i hate you, it almost brought tears to my eyes. like i couldn't say my usual retort to when she says 'i hate you' which is my 'i love you' she didn't really notice, i think she was studying or something, and i looked down. and i was over it in a second. but still that happened. and then i haven't been able to sleep at all. like i keep trying to have these naps but i just end up lying there for an hour then getting up and doing something. and at nite i can't sleep at all unless the computer's screen is completely dark and alicia's not watching anything. even if it's absolutely the lowest it can be without her not being able to hear it, i can't sleep. and it's driving me nuts. cuz i end up staying up till 1 or 2 am and i'm so tired. well, i'm not now cuz i ate those espresso beans. but still. like i've just typed all this in whatever amount of time...it's now 11.36. and someone came in and was talking to me for a minute. so i'm totally typing really fast.

then last nite we all went to the (crappy ass) underground, and were talking about andy (he was there. it was me, greg, meaghan, diane and andy) and somehow we were talking about how he lies or something and he was all 'do you all think i'm a really horrible person?' (which i don't, i totally love him)_but i told him about how i had doubted if he likes me at all and all that. and then later, we were in his room. it was meaghan (playing games on the comp), greg (reading FACS stuff), andy (talking on the phone with kevin) and me (alternatively reading a magazine, looking at greg's pictures, art and pictures of his art and getting a massage from andy) oh ya, jaypee was there too (drinking. and then taking off his clothes to get ready for bed [yum!] and then he was making food, but that was later.. ) ANYway, i had been feeling sad and depressed kind of all nite (i think it's the lack of sleep.i can't even remember right now the thoughts i was having that were making me sad...) and that's pretty much why i wanted a massage from andy (i wanted human contact and comfort, and i still can't just reach out for a hug). and then while i was sitting in the chair and looking at greg's stuff and reading that damn magazine, waiting for andy to be done on the phone so he could finish the massage that he had started andy made a joke about something... um, he had meant to give me thumbs up for something but gave me the finger instead (it was really really funny) and then he said something like 'that's me hating jessica again' or something... and i just made a kind of face or i laughed or something, but again i felt like i was about to cry. it's when ppl make fun about hating me, i realised. also, i wanted to talk to someone, mostly andy, but then i didn't want to, and here's why. well, first off, to me andy seems like the strong person in the group, the one that everyone can go to with their problems and he's all comforting and helping. so that's why i want to talk to andy. but i also think that i want to be strong in case andy needs someone for that, or something. i don't know how to put these thoughts into words. so i wanted to talk to andy but then i didn't want to. and i didn't really get the chance anyway, cuz we weren't alone at any point. i was going to tell him stuff but meaghan was in the room too, and i didn't want to tell more than one person.. or something. it doesn't make sense cuz i'm writing it now on this public thing... anyway...

but to-day i felt all great and happy. so that was good. i was very hyper and happy. so yay for to-day. i was just thinking of andy and how his room is all pretty. they put up christmas lights, the white kinds, and they make everything look very pretty. even the ppl inside the room look so attractive when they're under these pretty lights. well, not under, cuz the lights are on the walls, but whatever. like, for example, they brought out the little creases under andy's eyes, when he smiles. i love smiles. and lights that bring them out in a nice softening way are beautiful things.

well, that's a super long post so i'm going to go now!

bye!

love you all as much as i loved to-day, and as happy as i was to-day.

oh ya, we got to paint a woman this time in painting class. which was much better. also, she turned around so that she was facing different ppl for each pose, which was really really good. and i got to paint her back for the 15 minute and the 1 and 1/2 hour poses so it was great, cuz those paintings look awesome. i love backs. they always turn out so good. and the after school modelling sessions are starting. so that'll be fun. basically, it's just that they have models come in 2 days a week from 5.30-9.30 and anyone can come in and draw or paint them for free. it's cool. but one of the days is the day of my normal painting class (and that ends at 5.30, so i would have just come from painting a person for four hours... also it's pub nite) and the other day i have class till 6 ish. but i'll just go to that one and be late...

bye!

love you all!

~jes'ca.

i wrote this at 12:03 AM

alright, you think i'm being secretive, do you? um, k. i'll just email y'all what i'm talking about, cuz i can't post it here.

last nite diane, meaghan, greg and i were in diane and meaghan's room, bored to shit. andy was sleeping cuz he's a bastard. (i couldn't sleep. i tried to nap yesterday but it didn't work. and he's a bastard cuz the nite before i couldn't sleep at all but he was sleeping soundly right beside me... the bastard.) well, he'll just be way oversleepy tired to-day. anyway, so we were in diane and meaghan's room and meaghan was playing guitar and diane was making necklaces or something (yay, she finished mine. it looks awesome, thankies diane!) and we were all alternatively playing snood. this is a kick-ass game that at first i thought was retarded but then became addicted, which you will be if you download it... so go do that now. then we went to watch a movie. we got rocky horror from the porter station and watched that. erin came in at some point, so she watched it too. she got her hair cut and it looks good. then erika (erica? how you spell?) and this girl i don't know came in and erika's hair was also cut and it looked good, too. anyway, when it was done we were all let's watch another movie. (it was 11 ish) and me and diane were like who wants to watch rocky horror again? (crickets) so we were like fine, we'll go watch it in another common room. which we did. and it was fun. my favourite characters are magenta and rif-raff now. go watching rocky horror twice in a row. then i went to sleep and i woke up a while ago (at 12.30ish).

bye now! gotta go for brekkie with diane.

love you all as much as i love rocky horror picture show. when me and diane are dons we're going to have rocky horror nites. yay us. and we're going to go see it again at the end of the month. holy obsessive with a movie, batman.

~jes'ca
i wrote this at 1:23 PM

yo yo my peeps/homies. what is up in the worlds of yous?

i just read everyone's blogs, and here are my comments:

~chandra, you crack, way to never update your blog, ever. 7 and 1/2 hours of instruction and homework is not a lot at all. so don't say that's why. and way to have sent sarah and jen postcards and not me. i hate you! (i am so just kidding. man, that all sounded really bitchy. I LOVE YOU!! oh, and sorry i haven't sent you a letter yet, as i've been busy. kinda. mostly i just keep forgetting and i'm really lazy. and i know that sounds mean, but it's true. so sorry.)

~that brings me to sarah, cuz i'm sorry i haven't sent YOU a letter yet, either. once i get a spare moment i will try and write them (all the letters - to you, chandra, jen, ja-9, EVERBODY!). notice i said try. it's not that i'm very busy, it's just that i should be. and i hang around and do nothing way too much. i wrote stuff in your guestbook, so just go read that.

~jen, thankyou for writing in your blog. you good little blogger, you. and i hope you're feeling better than you were this morning, or yesterday. or whenever. i didn't really pay attention to the date.

~ja-9, update your freaking blog. i know it's hypocritical of me to tell people to do this, since i don't update that frequently at all... just shut up and blog.

well, that's it for the blogging crowd. octopus, you crack, email me and tell me wtf is going on, cuz i'm never going to be on msn ever. cuz alicia won't let me sign her out of msn cuz she has a conversation that she doesn't want to close (it's been open for 3 days) so we'll have to do the mail thing. bah.

um, so what have i been up to.... um... last nite i slept in andy's bed (with andy in it) cuz of reasons i won't state here. because if somebody reads it... nevermind. but i didn't sleep like at all last nite. which sucked for me. meh. let's just say i fell asleep while watching a movie... cuz i kinda did. ANYway...

lots of gossipy stuff going on.. but none of you know the ppl involved, and those that do (meaghan and diane.. hi!) already know the whole story, so it doesn't matter.

i've been feeling off. like last nite and then a little to-day. it keeps happening at nite. last nite, i dunno, i felt all depressed for no real reason at all. and then at subway andy said that i seem unimpressed with him lately. he tells me this like twice a week. goddammit, i'm never unimpressed with him! i don't get it. i tell him that too. maybe it's whenever i'm depressed, and he picks up on it. i dunno. i don't even know why i'm really writing about this, cuz i don't want any suggestions or anything or whatever. hee hee. now i'm kinda hyper. cuz there was a break in there when i stopped writing. meaghan walked by a moment ago and didn't stop by. and she had her coat on so she's going somewhere... hmm... where the fuck is everybody?!

yay, it's name by the goo goo dolls. oh, in half an hour i have to go to the lord of the rings exhibit meeting thing. that'll be fun, i think. it better be short like the posters say. i'm going to go now. bye!

love you all as much as i'm bored but should be doing work. ...

~jes'ca
i wrote this at 6:31 PM