yo yo . i am in a very good mood. i have to get painting in a minute. i just wanted to say that i added a new link. exlpoding dog is the name of it.. it fucking rocks. what it is is a site where you send in a sentence. and that sentence becomes the name of a drawing that this person does. meaning she draws things based on the titles. and they are all so awesome. so go there. i think i'll add an image on my site so you can see.. they're really cute too.
i wrote this at 2:16 PM

k, you know what? i just changed my mind. meaning i realised something. i don't really think andy dislikes me. cuz of the whole what he said the other day.. (see the end of the last post). which is why i've become less depressed than i was.. cuz a couple days before was when i was doubting our friendship and that was when i was major depressiony. so there, slight change. actually, it's a major one. i just wanna fit in more, dammit.
i wrote this at 4:10 AM

it's been awhile...


so i've been in a sort of a slump. and by slump i mean depressiony mood. here's the dillio. first there's andy. don't mistake me, i love andy, he's totally one of my best friends, but the thing is... there's something you have to know about andy - he acts totally friendly with everybody, and like he'll be the nicest guy to someone, and talk to them and joke with them, and then the moment that person is gone, he'll turn to us and say oh god, i hate her so much... we make fun of him about this lying... it's kinda funny. but not when you start wondering if he's doing this to you. which i have been doing. i've just noticed that he doesn't touch me as much as everybody else. i know that sounds completely retarded, but like he's a very touchy person (as in, he touches ppl, not touchy like ... whatever touchy means....) like if alicia walks into the room, he hugs her. maybe she hugs him... and she just does that. but also, he does the same type of thing with meaghan. and, yes, he does kinda touch me and stuff, i've just noticed that it's not as much as the others. even with dianne, who hates being touched, he still either tries, or says something about it.... i dunno. maybe i'm just being jealous for some odd, obscure reason.... but i have no idea what that could be.

the second thing is that i feel totally left out of everything. the whole virgin, inexperienced as shit isn't as bad... cuz we all laugh about that, and i kinda like it ... but the fact that i don't do drugs or drink is starting to weigh me down... the drugs aren't THAT bad, cuz meaghan doesn't do them either, so there's someone else in the same boat, if you wanna say that, which i wouldn't, but whatever... but ya, she does drink. so i'm the only one who doesn't drink. and i'm not thinking i'm gonna do drugs or drink just to fit in, that's the most retarded thing ever, i'm just saying that it makes me feel super left out. as does the fact that i'm the only vis. major. everyone is theatre except alicia who's dance. but they all have stagecraft together. i don't have any classes with any of them, except facs with greg, but still, that doesn't really help...

so that's me right now. also, i wanted to go home, and though i'm coming home next weekend, probly, i was so looking forward to it this weekend that that brought me down a couple of more notches. and the whole breaking up thing... not that i wanna be in that relationship anymore, just the fact that i've never really had a boyfriend (he doesn't cout, dammit, not a single kiss in over a month disqualifies that relationship from anything but internet sleaze/sex quizzes.) and i feel so damn lonely and out of a loop.... gah. i have classes too. although, i'm not as bad right now as i was a few days ago (since i now have the courage to write this all up.... that should be an indication of getting betterness.) cuz i did hang with andy a little, which was nice. and he said 'it's nice to be getting to know you' or something like that and something else like 'i like how we're hanging out together...' but still, you know, the whole him lying thing.... dammit, andy, if you ever happen to read this (but i dunno how, since i haven't given you the addie... i don't really know why... probly cuz you wouldn't read it anyway... ANY way) if you really do like me, freaking tell me... and if you don't i really really really want you to fucking tell me... see! fucking instead of freaking. i'd rather know if it was a lie than not... get it? good.

k, so 4.02 am.. time for sleep.

bye!

love you all as much as i want you ALL to sign my damn guestbook!! seriously, right now, just so i know you've read this...

~jes'ca powl


i wrote this at 4:05 AM

YAY to dianne for posting pics of all of us... go here to see pics off ALL of us... including mark.... yay. if you wanna see a pic of diane, go to the link of her site.. which is at the end of the list off all my links. yay for diane.

~jes'ca
i wrote this at 1:29 PM

yay i ended it. it's over.

um, to a few people:

jen: everyone was not ganging up on you, just kt. and it's cuz the reason i was inviting ppl to see red dragon was so i would see them. cuz i haven't seen clare or janine since camping. which is way too fucking long ago.

octopus: what the fuck? email me.... nosy octopus strikes again!!! so, ya. email me and tell me wtf is wrong...


i'm going to yorkdale now, which is why i'm saying this all now... so bye!

love you all as much as the shortness of this post (k, i've used that before, but fuck off)

~jes'ca
i wrote this at 5:21 PM

so, i didn't go to sleep last nite. at all.
here's the dillio...
at around 11-ish i was talking to sarah and clare on msn. (jen was also there, but she didn't really say anything at all..., janine was also kinda there at the beginning, then she left...), also andy. it was a very fun/hyper/sexual conversation. those are the best kinds. then sketch came in so i said bye to them and played jenga with him. then we made towers and stuff with the blocks. then we made card houses, cuz that's obviously the next step up after blocks...then, um, oh ya. then we went to get snacks. well, we went to get money, then to get change from campus cove so that we could buy snacks from the vending machine. cuz we had super munchies. (no, neither of us were high) when we were at the bank machine-ish we saw roxanne, so she joined us on our promenade. the jewish thing in the student centre was cleaning up so we went in there for sketch to use the machine. then we went to campus cove. i asked for change from the guy for sketch cuz he was shy or something.... then i bought a coffee crisp, a chocolate coffee crisp and reese's cups. mmmmmm. then we left. and sketch spent almost 10$ on snacks from the vending machine in winters. then he bought himself a drink and me a drink also. he said he was buying it for himself. then i told him to get a mountain dew. and he said which one. so i said i dunno. so he smashed in between the two buttons. nothing happened. so he smashed it again and got a non-code red. he said damn i got the bad one. then he said oh, this will kill my sperm and gave it to me. it was odd.
we went to the third floor common room and ate all the junk and watched this funny guy do a book review. the book was 'diagnosis' by alan lightman. and the guy was um, somthing. it was funny cuz he rolled his r's even when he said 'friggin overload.' it was good cuz the guy knew very much what he was talking about, he was funny, and the book sounded cool. sketch melted some starburst. and he ate them. he had them on a chopstick and sucked it like you would suck a dick.it was... interesting....
then we watched this movie from the eighties about a deaf girl. it was amusing and sad at the same time. also, it was extremely bad. cuz it was from the eighties. that guy was in it. his name starts with a k.... kerpher or something....ya, sullivan. we excersized a little while watching, cuz we felt fat from the junk food. then we did a little yoga thing - lying on the ground with a towel under you - that thing. then we did the thing where you're standing and you hold something behind you and bend forward, bringing the thing over your head.... then i think we watched some infomercials, but that might have been at the beginning. then we were changing the channels (oh ya, we ate some more junk food...) and there was a woman doing a yoga thing. so we did that. it was fun. but it hurt. but it was nice and relaxing. then we all laid on the floor for probly like 30 minutes or something. the tv was off and the room was dark, so that was nice and relaxing. and the floor made my back fix itself. meaning it stopped hurting after awhile. then roxanne said she was going to go to bed. cuz it was almost 7 am. sketch made her come to his room and he showed us a drawing of a whore house. which is a house made in a whore. it was funny. then roxanne left and sketch showed me almost all the pictures on his computer. it was boring. but i watched the sunrise at the same time, so it was cool, too.
at some point we started playing video games. (sonic on the dreamcast) then jasper came in and he played video games with sketch (ooooh!) whilst i dozed on sketch's footon. or however you spell that... at 9.30 we went for brekkie at the falaffel hut. when we were done, we walked back through the tunnels. we had run into an old lady and an old man (janitor persons.) sketch said 'they totally had just been having sex' it was funny. i managed to convince the lady to show us how to get to the tunnels (how much will you pay? she asked. i answered 'gratitude and a smile.' and lo and behold, it worked. yay!) we rode this big wheel thing in the tunnels at one point. that was fun. cuz there's like a hill. the wheel thing i speak of is one of those trolley thingers that janitors and people use to pull things around on. like garbage pails and the like...
we got back to the quad eventually. (jasper left at some point here) we were lying on the cement and then i noticed a bee hive in the tree. it was a dead one. then sketch started trying to get it down. i tried to impede him as much as possible by taking his sticks and hitting him with them. eventually, when i was talking to someone who was hanging out their window smoking, he got a piece of it down. when the girl had left her window, he threw a piece of the piece into her window. i also tried to impede this, but alas, it was to no avail. then we went exploring in the bushes. meaning he went in them, i just dragged things out with a stick. we found army men, a small red lunch tray thing that i'll use as a palette, a tennis ball wrapped up in red tape, a football, a dolls head, a shirt and a lightbulb. we put the dolls head, and the shirt on a stick and stuck in in the bush. it looks very creep. also, we used part of the beehive as a diaper. and we put the lightbulb ontop of her head like she has an idea. then we went downstairs to winters college and he played some piano (at which he rocks - he is a music major after all...) then we hid the football there somewhere... (shhhhh..) then we came inside. he went to shower and i came up here. i said to read, but psssshhh. who reads what they're supposed to? not me, obviously. but i cleaned the room. yay for that. now i'm gonna go, cuz holy fuck what a long post....
bye!
love you all as much as the length of this post compared to my shortest one...
~jes'ca

(p.s. - holy fuck, jessica, i'd be fucking tired if i was you. although all that i've read of this so far is the part that's all "i didn't go to sleep last nite". - sarah)
i wrote this at 2:00 PM