bored bored bored bored

so, that last post was supposed to have been posted last nite, but i didn't click the button or something...

so, ya, i'm pretty much bored. i don't have anything to do. well, right now i'm online but kt had been on forever so i was just like 'god dammit, what to do?' so i drew a little, then read some harry potter.

and that's about it.

i can't believe i'm here for 3 weeks!!! well, once the high school kids (ha.) are done (next friday) i'm sure it will be more eventful... hopefully. it better be...

tis all, i suppose.

terrah!

~jessica

oh, and i was going to say something else.. but i don't remember.. oh ya. chandra's blog. where you (she) say(s) that she gets all upset-y cry-y when she thinks of leaving the friends she's made, i completely understand. like i said in the last post, i was bawling my eyes out yesterday when i was saying goodbye. and the nite before, we had had a sleepover in andy's room (meaghan, erin and i) because each of our roomies were gone, so we stayed up for awhile talking and such. and at some point i think it was erin who said something along the lines of 'can you imagine what it's going to be like in april?' like when school's over, is what she meant, and andy was like 'i'm not thinking about it.' which is sound advice. cuz that would just make me all depressed. and at some point, andy and erin were talking about where they were applying for next year, cuz theatre students have to re-apply for acting and if they don't get in, lots of them are going elsewhere, and it made me quite sad. cuz all my friends are theatre students, so lots of them will be gone, and i can't even conceive of what that would be like. and then andy was talking about where he was applying and he said that if he got in to NTS then :waving goodbye hand gesture: to all of you. or something. and i almost started bawling. but i didn't. but still. i'm going to miss everyone so much. i love them all more than i can believe, since i've known them for so little time. and i know that it's the same as it was for leaving home, and leaving my dear dear friends here. as in, i know that no matter what, we'll all still be in contact with each other, but still. you spend all day everyday with these people (now i'm talking about the uni-friends) that it's hard to think of goodbyes.

so, love you all a lot, as you can tell by my rant on missing everyone. *sigh*
i wrote this at 7:17 PM

ahhhhhh.... home.

so, here i am. it's 10.31. like 10.13 but the last digits are switched. i just ate a huge plate of spaghetti with homemade sauce and homemade buns and gooey gooey cheese. yummy.

so, the dog pissed on the floor a couple of times, i had to clean it up (and i mean pepper, not tye. which was kinda surprising), this house is quite cold, my mom is paranoid of germs from toronto so i'm not allowed to wear any of my clothes that i call "clean", as in university clean, which is pretty much not clean at all. and there is more i could bitch about, but i won't, cuz i'm home and i'm happy. despite the tears that i shed earlier... k, more like flooded or something than shed, but anyway, despite the crying when meaghan left, and then when andy left, i don't really miss it that much. i mean, it's like i've been saying, when i'm in rez, that's my home and the island seems like an alien world, but when i'm on the island, rez is the foreign one.... so whatever.

that's it for now.

terrah!

love you all as much as the silence that fills a country-bumpkin nite. it's so freaking quiet outside. it's eerie.

~jessica
i wrote this at 10:44 PM

to be completely boring, a summary of what just happened.

so, all the theatre students are done their exams. so what they're doing is getting drunk. mind you, most of them were also getting drunk at like 2 in the afternoon, following their last exam. but now there's some weirdo new year's thing going on with champagne in the ab. don't ask me what it is, cuz i don't know and neither do most of the people going. so, anyway, we all went to the underground for food. the underground is an 'urban pub' or as i like to call it, a restaurant type dealie where you sit down to eat, you have normal, non fast foody type food, and (yay) you can still pay with your meal card. so me, andy, lindsay, erin (and later gabe and adam *shudder*) went for dinner. being in this wierd never-hungry mood lately, i was only there for the funness of being, and the diversion of sitting around in my room (or andy's room) by myself doing nothing. so anyway, we had our food. it was good. and i don't like saying this, cuz then i sound like annoying people like alicia, but i feel left out a lot if i'm with them. i don't know, sometimes they talk about theatre and their classes and such, or even if they're just talking about normal things, i can't share in the stories, cuz i've never been drunk, don't plan on being drunk, never had a boyfriend, never been hit on (or if i were, i don't know cuz i don't understand it.. i'm such a nerd) and other such things. but anyway, it was fine. it wasn't too bad. the conversation was fun to listen to, and i did offer some jokes or whatever. i'm making it sound all depressing which it was a couple of times for like spans of a second.. so it wasn't really.. but anyway

we were leaving and andy was being all touchy with me (which comforted me... he was like just doing things like holding my arm, or rubbing my back..) anyway, i was walking with him, mostly and we were talking nicely and such. then we got back to andy's room and blah blah blah, for a while i was sitting with andy and he was still being all sweet. then i asked him if he would mind if i stayed there instead of going up to my room and he was like 'go ahead but i think me and lindsay are sleeping here, so we need the bed' or something.. anyway.... then everyone was leaving, so i decided i might as well just go upstairs cuz i had nothign better to do. so andy was the only one out in the hall while everyone was leaving so i went out there and he was like 'are you coming?' and i was like, no [at this point i started to feel really upset and sad]. and then i started to walk away and he said something else and i turned and said something else ( i can't really remember, in case you can't tell)_then i said have fun or something then kept walking away and he said something like are you mad at me, and i was starting to cry and i don't know why, and i was like no, but it was kinda in a choked voice or whatever, and he was like o my god, sweetie what's wrong? (this is a classic andy line... he says it all the time) and he walked over to me and so i hugged him and was crying and i still don't really completely know why.. i guess it's cuz i feel left out cuz i don't drink and they were all going to drink and i said something to him like it was cuz i feel left out cuz they're all theatre majors or something and he was like do you want me to walk with you to your room? and i was like ya, so he walked with me upstairs, all comforting and such and i was still crying, but trying not to and i wanted to talk to him but i didn't know what to say (and i still don't want to be like everyone else and tell him all my problems, cuz he has problems of his own) so i just kept saying ' i don't know why i'm crying' and then we were outside my room and i just kept hugging him and he kept saying sorry andi kept saying no, don't apologize. and i told him something like how they were all going to get drunk and i felt left out or something and then he felt bad cuz of when i said the theatre thing and how they talk about things that i can't participate in, and so he felt bad and was saying like ' i'm sorry, i didn't mean to do that... i guess introducing you as jessica, the visual arts major' something something.. and i was like, no i like it, it's fine. cuz he said something like ' i just thought it was cute' and i just kept hugging him cuz i wanted the comfort. then he said he'd stop by here when he was done at the ab, but i know he won't cuz he'll probly be drunk and forget.

anyway. sorry about that. i'm sure i bored you all to tears. i feel like i need to cry. cuz i wasn't really then, i was still suppressing it... also, pms is happening. so that's the excuse i'm giving. though i have felt left out a lot for awhile.

sigh.

terrah all.

love you as much as i just wish everyone was happy.

~jessica
i wrote this at 10:51 PM

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!

so, i finished my FACS exam. now i have nothing to do but wallow around till friday. this pleases me to a full extent. well, the last thing i wrote here was that essay writing needed breaks. it does, but not the four hour kind. gah. there were just too many people talking in andy's room for me to concentrate ( i was on his computer cuz alicia's word is screwed) so i listened to the chatter. doesn't matter. i finished the essays 2 hours before they were done, handed them in, picked up the paintings that i had finished painting about an hour before they were do, and then slacked off till this morning when i got up at 9 am to study for the exam at 12. woe. is. that. and. me. too. but enough of that. now i'm done and i am super happy. and there's pathetic fallacy goin on with the weather and i. it's simply gorgeous outside. that's not to say that i am gorgeous, that is to say my mood is. super happiness is a gorgeous thing. it's all bright and shiny, and nicely chilly with some warmth from above. oh how i love to-day.

last nite i slept in alicia's bed cuz andy was in mine. he was all illin' from the chillin'. which means he smoke too much pot and resin (can we say ew, much?) that he felt all barfy. well, that's about all that happened last nite. andy just came in just now. he massaged me a little. i think later i'll make him gimme a better one.... heh.

so, tis all.

terrah.

love you all as much as i am happy.

~jessica
i wrote this at 3:00 PM